I think basically, I've stopped believing it's possible to be slim again. Even my family and friends look at me disbelievingly when I say I am going to drop the weight - there's a cross between a communal sigh and smiles of disbelief from those who have watched me start ... and stop so many times. I don't even believe myself anymore - and that's really sad.
My life is hectic and some would say 'out of control'.
Every day there are what I consider 'challenges' to my desire to be slim again..... breakfast networking meetings, luncheons, celebrations for one of my family of 6 - along with 12 grand-children - always on the go and never taking the time to plan.
I have the best of intentions yet they fade into nothingness whenever I see something that I think is going to give me a feeling of enjoyment- the 'flake' chocolate on special at the check out counter, the choc fudge slice that's put in front of me from a friend who thinks she's making my day.... the pressure of eating on the run and snacking while I do things without noticing what I've eaten.
But what I think is really the bigger reason ... is that I'm not doing what I love - I'm doing what I believe I 'have to' rather than the things I really 'want to' and this frustrates me - and causes me to go for the 'cheaper' quick hits of feeling good - if only momentarily. Using food as a quick 'default' rather than doing things that fulfil me more than food - and last longer.
Rather than 'have to's I want more 'love to's' in my life ... then and only then, I believe the food fix will decrease!
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